Monthly Archives: November 2012

Sunrises and Sunsets


I know why the sunrises and sunsets have been beautiful the past two days. My Heavenly Father has been trying to cheer me up. I’ve been low for almost two days now…really low. After realizing that a small chapter of my life was coming to a close, along with a doubt that sat in my head, I woke up low Monday morning. It’s the lowest I’ve been in several months and I’ve been fairly low at several moments during that time. The stresses of life don’t usually help during these moments; rather, they add to the lowness. The only relief that comes and soothes is the very presence of God, the One who bandages and heals me. There are very few friends who know the depth of my lowness right now and those two were the ones who didn’t run from me. Instead, they listened and then carefully guided me back towards the Father.

Part of me feels like there is a conversation that needs to happen, but I don’t know if my heart can handle it. I really don’t know if its going to slip back into idolatry again or if it will be shattered once again. Because I understand how frail I am, I’ve learned to keep this as my prayer and I whisper it again this moment:
“Father, give me the strength not to force whatever Your hand is holding back that You want to use for your glory.”


Something good for the morning

Read this from a devotional this morning…enjoy.

…Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. (1 Peter 5:7)

When I am anxious about some risky new venture or meeting, I battle unbelief with one of my most often-used promises: Isaiah 41:10. The day I left for three years in Germany, my father called me long distance and gave me this promise on the telephone.

For three years, I must have quoted it to myself five hundred times to get me through periods of tremendous stress. “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand” (Isaiah 41:10). When the motor of my mind is in neutral, the hum of the gears is the sound of Isaiah 41:10.

When I am anxious about my ministry being useless and empty, I fight unbelief with the promise of Isaiah 55:11. “So shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it.”

When I am anxious about being too weak to do my work, I battle unbe¬lief with the promise of Christ, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9).

When I am anxious about decisions I have to make about the future, I battle unbelief with the promise, “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you” (Psalm 32:8).

When I am anxious about facing opponents, I battle unbelief with the promise, “If God is for us, who can be against us?” (Romans 8:31).

When I am anxious about the welfare of those I love, I battle unbelief with the promise that if I, being evil, know how to give good things to my children, how much more will the “Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!” (Matthew 7:11)?

John Piper, Future Grace, Multnomah Books (Colorado Springs, CO), page 59

Some thoughts…

What’s been rattling around my noggin lately?

-Fasting is always an interesting time, mostly because of the crap that starts to rise up from the depths of me and rear its ugly little head. I’m talking about old, sinful bents and habits that had been laying dormant – they start to rise up and you get to kill them off. Toss in weaning one’s self off of the afternoon Mtn Dew and eventually coffee, so that makes for a crazy time physically and emotionally and even spiritually. But…lots of water and warm socks definitely make it a little more tolerable.

-As a part of this fast, I deactivated my Facebook last night. That was a huge stretch for me because I had never done anything like that before, but I’m also glad that I did because I needed to get away from it. It’s strange, but I know that I will probably be rocked to my core the next few weeks and I want to be as close as possible to Jesus. My focus needs to be on Him. If I have to toss aside one temporary thing just so I could have Him, then so be it. This earth has nothing for me.

-Balance and reconciliation are two words that have been coming up a lot lately. I still don’t understand what they mean, but He does. I just pray that I have the strength and ability to step back and not force anything that’s out of His will or timing. Though I do enjoy being random in the midst of waiting.

November was a strange month for me last year. It might be almost as strange this year. But whatever happens, it happens because God has this and He is running the show.


“Jesus said that unless you know Him like a child you’ll never really know Him at all. Kids don’t know about facts, and they certainly don’t study each other. They’re just with each other; they do stuff together. That’s what Jesus had in mind.”
-Bob GoffLove Does