I know why the sunrises and sunsets have been beautiful the past two days. My Heavenly Father has been trying to cheer me up. I’ve been low for almost two days now…really low. After realizing that a small chapter of my life was coming to a close, along with a doubt that sat in my head, I woke up low Monday morning. It’s the lowest I’ve been in several months and I’ve been fairly low at several moments during that time. The stresses of life don’t usually help during these moments; rather, they add to the lowness. The only relief that comes and soothes is the very presence of God, the One who bandages and heals me. There are very few friends who know the depth of my lowness right now and those two were the ones who didn’t run from me. Instead, they listened and then carefully guided me back towards the Father.
Part of me feels like there is a conversation that needs to happen, but I don’t know if my heart can handle it. I really don’t know if its going to slip back into idolatry again or if it will be shattered once again. Because I understand how frail I am, I’ve learned to keep this as my prayer and I whisper it again this moment:
“Father, give me the strength not to force whatever Your hand is holding back that You want to use for your glory.”