Despite what some might think, I do tend to get out of my house, my office (and even my head) sometimes and wander around the woods. I haven’t done much of that in the past 15 months and it shows; not only physically but emotionally and even relationally. But this shall not only be the start of a new season, but a new adventure.
Hiking. Camping. Seeing all that God created and placed around me. Getting back outside and to one of my first loves…outdoor adventures.
Okay. Enough with the intro. Let’s get on with Thursday’s adventure.
I took the day off and made plans to go for a hike up at Max Patch with a close friend. (It was her challenge to me that woke me up a few months ago. She has no clue.)
It was so gorgeous. Being on top of a bald with amazing views all around was the best thing for my tired soul.
Apparently I’m very out of shape. We had to stop several times so I could catch my breath. Guess I need to say goodbye to the cigars and work on my cardiovascular and stamina…
Hammocks were pitched.
Acorn tops were collected.
It was what I needed, despite the cool conditions and crazy wind on top of the mountains.
I wanted to sleep in Friday morning and hit another trail, but things like work and thunderstorms convinced me otherwise.
I can’t wait to get back out there and see what else that God created is awaiting to be discovered. It’s good for my soul.
At this moment, I have been thinking a little more about moving from one season to the next and what exactly does it look like for me. It always looks different, but the feeling of transition within me is the same.
It’s also hard to think that I’ve been fighting God the past few months over this latest transition…but it is true. If I’m honest, I didn’t want it to happen. So I fought against God; denying it, trying not to see what was happening, even telling him that I didn’t want anything to change. Life had been so grand back in June and I wanted to go back to it. Then I started bartering with him; saying that I was done with that old season as soon as January had past or it was done when I had the final say.
Yes. I am prideful and foolish too often.
Then everything came flooding to the surface at 7:30 am
on a cold Saturday morning
two weeks ago, while I knelt in front of a fire that had just been started by my hands. All the selfless prayers written out, all the words that were never said; it all ended up in the fire.
Then I told God that I was ready to move on.
I was done with fighting him.
I didn’t want June and all of the seemingly good things, which actually led to my downfall, back.
I was done with trying to make a deal.
I knew what I had to do.
It took me three days after that Saturday morning
to get back on track. The temptation to turn back to Egypt, to that idol was too great to try and ignore its pull. So I made the decision to kill all but one of my social media accounts.
And to think that all of this rambling comes from the song “Winter In My Heart” by The Avett Brothers. I want to leave this coldness that has been in my heart since August. I’m ready to move on.
Comforting sins are too easy to turn to in your weakness.
And I would rather say “see you later” to those I care about than try to rebuild a bridge that I torched with flame thrower.
Confession moment: I decided to do Lent this year on a whim…well…more like within a moment of desperation. I was anxious, stressed out, insecure, and a whole mess of other things. I needed Jesus and fasting all social media for Lent was a great idea, but I wasn’t sure if I could make it all six weeks.
Looking back, I think it was the best thing I have ever done.
I made it all six weeks. Being off social media caused my insecurity levels to drop almost down to 0%. Stress and anxiety has melted. And I’m closer to Jesus and much more honest about where I’m at in all areas of my life.
Am I perfect? Have I arrived?
But I know what distracts me when I try to focus on Jesus. And I know that there’s so much more stuff that he wants to work on in me.